The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
