I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
