Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
