yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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