I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
