so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
