i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
