The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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