at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
