you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
