eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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