I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
