I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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