Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
