i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
