i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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