woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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