i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
