im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
kristin has been a bad kristin
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
