the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize