So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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