Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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