We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
