There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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