youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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