Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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