Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize