I'm going to jail i love you
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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