I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
