The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
