Me too!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
