you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
