a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
