Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize