I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
