I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
