you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
