I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
