I think i peed on brittanys purse
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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