Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She bit a glass in half.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
PANTIES FOUND
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