you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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