thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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