the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
