Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
