he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
