I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
