escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize