we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
