I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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