Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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