official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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