it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize