apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
