She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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