i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
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