I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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