This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize