hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
