She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
