I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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