After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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