There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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