K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
