they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
