Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
